Monday, August 26, 2013
It has been FOREVER since I have updated this blog and A LOT has happened in the mean time. Let me catch you all up to speed and introduce the biggest blessing in both our lives! Almost two years ago Bret and I were thinking about starting our family. We started praying to see if it was the right time and never really got a firm answer that it was time. Conference was coming up so we decided to wait until conference to receive an answer. We went into conference with a prayerful heart and listened to the talks given by our apostles and prophet. While listening there was a talk given by Elder Andersen. He spoke on families and how we need not to delay, but start our families now if we are ready. Bret and I were both crying because we had never received such a clear answer to our prayers. We decided to get on it and start trying!!! I was excited because being a mother was all I have wanted to be ever since I could remember. The first month came and no positive test then the second and the third. My mom and sister got pregnant very easily, so I thought I would be the same. I was so confused, but did not want to get too panicked because it had only been three months and most everything that I had read said it can take girls up to a year to get pregnant the first time. I started tracking my cycle and taking at home ovulation kits. None of them ever turned positive. It was so hard to go month after month and not get pregnant. I love social media, but when you are watching everyone around you getting pregnant it is so hard not to get discouraged and think something is wrong with me. I was confused because Bret and I had both received such a clear answer that we were supposed to start trying, why weren't we getting pregnant. Eight months went by and after being mad and frustrated I decided to go see my OBGYN. He prescribed me with Clomid because I had never had a positive ovulation test just to see how it I would respond. With Clomid you have to wait to start your cycle to start taking it. I was so excited to start getting things moving that for the first time in eight months I could not wait for my cycle to start. A few days went by and nothing. I decided to take a pregnancy test just to see because I was late. Sure enough right after I took it there was two lines indicating I was PREGNANT!!! I was so excited, but so nervous because I had wanted it for so long, but now that it was happening I was a little nervous. I took the test into Bret and we both were so excited! With our excitement I remember feeling a little scared and doubt that I didn't know if I could do this. I remember going to the temple shortly after and feeling such a calming feeling that it will all work out. I will never forget that feeling I felt inside the temple that day and how lucky I felt to have the temple to help me gain spiritual perspective. We went in for our first appointment at twelve weeks and got to see the babies heart beat and see the baby move. That made it all feel so real. Two weeks later we went in to get some genetic testing done and while in the ultra sound the baby was not moving at all. We could not see the heart beat like we could the last time and I started to get a little nervous. Bret asked if it was normal that the baby was not moving because it was moving so much the last time. Just then she let us know that there was no heart beat and we had lost the baby. I will never forget that day because it was one of the worst days of my life. My heart sank. I was looking up at the screen at this little baby and was so heartbroken there was no heartbeat. The next day I went in for a D & C. Bret and I decided to wait a few months to give ourselves some time to get over this. I had never really known how hard a miscarriage was until that day. After a few months had past Bret and I decided that it was time to start trying again. We had a lot of people say to us that since we had gotten pregnant now it will not be as hard to get pregnant again, but once again month after month after month came and no positive pregnancy test. My OB had me go back on Clomid. After two months on the same dose with no pregnancy he bumped up the dosage and I honestly went crazy on it. I have never been so depressed in my whole life. They took me right off of it and referred me to the Reproductive Care Center in Sandy, UT. I met with Doctor and got a game plan of all the testing that they needed to do on both Bret and I to see what was going on. The downside of the news was that we had to wait two months to start testing to let the Clomid completely out of my system, so their tests could come back accurately, so more waiting. Two months came and went and we started our testing. Bret was tested first and because of how some of the test work I had to wait another month to test me. The test results that we got back for Bret were not great and the lab said that we needed to go right to invitro because we only have a 30% chance that artificial insemination will work. Our doctor wanted to try artificial at least two times just to see if it would work. We are young so we have time on our hands and artificial is a lot cheaper. After the next month I got tested and everything looked great. Mid July I started my cycle and they decided to start the process of artificial. They put me on femara which is just like clomid, but not as intense mentally accompanied with these fertility shots. While on the shots I had a lot of pain and went in for an Ultra sound to see how the progress was. They found the reason for the pain was that a cyst had burst on the right side. Cyst are soooo painful!!! The left side looked great and the eggs were about to drop. They injected me with HCG to help the eggs drop and I came in that Sunday to get inseminated. Our families had fasted and prayed that this would work for us and when we went in on Sunday Bret's count had gone up so much that the nurse that was helping us have never seen that high of jump in her whole ten years of working there. We were so excited because we had such good odds. We tried not to get our hopes up, but it's hard not to every month. They told us to wait two weeks and if I had not started my cycle to take a pregnancy test. Two weeks later my family was all ready to go up to Sun Valley for a family trip. The night before we left I had started my cycle. I was crushed. I hated that time of month, but never so much in my whole life. I was done feeling so crappy and hated this roller coaster every month. While in Sun Valley I was talking to my sister in law about letting my body have a break and concentrate on something else. During this time I had quite working at paramount and started working for a dental office. It was great, but with all of these medical bills I needed to go back working full time and Paramount wanted me back. I decided to quite the dental office and start back working for Paramount the Monday after I had returned from Sun Valley. We had also moved back in with my parents because the town home we were renting had been sold, so in the mean time of finding something else we were back at my parents. I felt like everything was looking so negative in our life and every door was closing on us. The next day was Friday and that morning Bret decided to go on a bike ride and I was hanging out at the house with my family. I got a text from my sister in law, Jenny asking if I wanted to adopt a three week old baby girl. My stomach dropped when I saw the text, but it didn't seem real so I showed it to my mom. She told me to text her back asking about the details. Jenny texted me back saying that Becky, her sister was going to call with all the details. I got on the phone with Becky and she started telling me about this family in her ward. About a year ago Brandon, Becky's son was on his mission and had challenged Becky to go on splits with the sister missionaries. About a week later Becky went with them to this families house. It is a dad with five children, the mom had left the family about three years ago leaving the dad to take care of these five children by himself. She has become very close to this family and helped the dad to get baptized. Of these five children there is a 15 year old girl named Candy. On sunday June 30, 2013 she called her dad to take her to the hospital as she was having back pain and stomach pain. They arrived at the hospital at 7am and she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl at 7:30 am. The father of Candy fell in love with the baby and wanted to keep the baby as this was his granddaughter. They named her Victoria Isabel, she weighted 7lbs and 14 ounces and was 19 inches long. They took her home and while home with her they both decided that she needed more and decided to put her up for adoption. Becky had been at the hospital after the baby was born and while helping with the babies first bath she thought of Bret and I and how we would be perfect parents for this baby. She had told James and Candy when they decided that this was the best option about Bret and I. The bishop of Becky's ward was also very close to the family and was helping with this decision as well. After Becky had told me about the situation she had me call the bishop as he was the one that was helping the family with this. I spoke with him and he advised me that Bret and I should drive down from Sun Valley right then to meet the baby as they need to make a decision asap. Just as I was talking to the bishop Bret had returned home from his bike ride and because I was so serious on the phone he thought someone had died! I told him that there might be a baby for us and we need to drive down and meet her today. We talked to my family about what was going on and they all were so supportive, my brother in law, Devin was telling us to leave right then and not let this opportunity pass us by. My whole family agreed and told us to leave right then. We got into the car and took off. I was shaking the whole car ride down. We finally made it to the church and met James, Candy and baby Bella. I feel in love with her from the moment I held her. I was still guarded as I did not really know what was happening because it was all happening so fast. Once we met with them we got back into the car and drove back up to Sun Valley. My family was all waiting up to see what had happened. The rest of the weekend we tried to enjoy, but all we could both think about was baby Bella and what had happened. Sunday we all left Sun Valley and while driving back we got a call from the Bishop and James. He let us know that he wanted us to adopt her and that this is such a hard decision for him to make, but he knows that it is the best for Bella. He wanted to meet us that night to give us the baby. We met them over at Becky's house. We invited both of our parents, Becky and her family was there and the Bishop and James. It was so neat for our parents to see this baby and to be able to talk to James. He told us how important it is that we get her sealed to us as soon as possible as he would like her to be under the covenant. That night was one of the most spiritual nights as James was telling us how much he loved Bella and he wants her to know that she has a grandpa that loves her and that did not give her up, but gave her more. James told us all that Sunday's will always hold a special place in his heart because that was the day she was born and that is the day she was given to her new parents. After everyone left Bret and I could not believe that we were parents. We knew that nothing was final as we had yet to talk to our attorney's or meet with them yet, but we could both feel it in our hearts that she was meant to be in our family. It was so weird to be parents in 24 hours where you usually get 9 months to prepare. That first night as a family was so amazing because we both could not sleep, we looked at her all night both in disbelief and in shock that this was all happening. The next day all our family came over to see the baby and to lend us all of their baby stuff since we had only a few things from our previous pregnancy. It was amazing for both Bret and I to see how much family means and how lucky we are to be in such great families that support us and have helped with soooo much. We would not have been able to do this without our family and we are so lucky to have them all and love them all so much. Bella is now 8 weeks old and will be two months on August 30th. Today, August 26, 2013 we went to the court house and we were officially made her guardians. Candy has been so amazing throughout this whole thing and I will always have such a special place in my heart for her as she gave both Bret and I the best gift we could ask for. She brought us to Bella and for that I will always be grateful for her selflessness and love for Bella. She is an incredible girl and I feel so lucky to know her. She went to court with us today to relinquish her rights to us as Bella's parents. She understands that this is final and she that she is happy with the decision that she has made. It is so crazy how everything has happened and how much heavenly father has had such a big had in making all of this possible. I now see why it seemed as though all doors were closing on us, but instead they were getting us prepared for this huge one that was about to open. We are so in love with Bella and could not be more excited and happy to have her in our home. We love her so much and honestly don't know what we would do without her. I have to thank Becky with all of this because she is the reason why Bella is in our live. She has helped with so much and I cannot begin to describe how much I love her and how much she has helped to make this all possible. Without her we would have never had this opportunity or made it through this road. It has been a little bit of a rocky road, but because of her I have been able to stay sane! We now just have to wait 5 months for the court to officially read her in as Victoria Isabel McCormick as Bret and I as her parents, but the biggest hurdle was jumped today with relinquishing rights. We love Bella so much and are so thankful to our father in heaven that has given us this amazing gift and spirit into our home. Keep us in your prays that everything keeps going smoothly and that in January she will officially be ours!!!